Yeah, I don't really know what that's supposed to mean, but I've been rather grouchy today because of a certain color that is permeating a certain area, and I've covered all of this ground before so I'm not sure how much I'll say. Honestly, even in The Other Book, saying the same thing over and over again is both difficult and not particularly cathartic. It would really help to talk to someone, or something like that. It would be even better to get a little color change, of course, but that's not really going to happen for another two days. Holding out and holding on. Oi, this sucks. I just hope this thing isn't going to turn into the monstrosity that that other thing was. Just this week, I hope. Saturday can't come soon enough.
I wonder if Saturday has any relation to Saturn? (ed: it is)
Watched American Pie 2 today. Funny, and yet it still has that tenuous thread or morality and stuff amidst its antipode. Odd how that crops up, but it seems to be a rather common thing in those type of movies, at least by the time you get to the end.
Spent the whole day (sorta) working on my paragraphs for Am Lit, and I'm almost done though I don't know if I'll entirely finish. I certainly have time to, but my motivation has died and my mood has headed south rather sharply. I'll probably put it off for tomorrow, which will in turn roll back the calc stuff...shit. I really hate that I have to spend the end of my summer doing all of this shit, but at the same time I certainly wasn't going to just chip away at it for an entire month. What happened to this month anyway? Jesus. Oh, right, it's only halfway done and the whole run to the Twin Cities chewed up time, plus there's this week, and hey, that's pretty much the whole month. It'd really be nice to have a day or two to completely unwind and not think about school or anything like that, and I guess it'd help if I got those fucking paragraphs done, but I don't know that I have the spirit or writing quality to work on it now. Most of the rest of them are of questionable quality as it begins, and being pissed off and tired as I am...I might just go to bed early instead of wasting 40 minutes staring at my computer. I'm not feeling a Chrono Trigger session.
CC is getting easy already, which is really nice. Of course that's going to change once races start, but the fact that the practices have already hit about the hardest they're going to and I can handle it is rather nice. Had a decent, civilized conversation with Hatley, though I still want to shave off his fagtacious goatee.
Wow, I'm a lot more angry than I thought I was...kinda worrying, really, but I guess I've got this all bottled up in me right now and don't have much of a method of releasing it. CC certainly isn't an escape valve - the whole point of that is to numb yourself to all of the physical pain and just let your mind rove where it will. So...Gears? No, not quite what I'm going for. It's not a brutal, violent angry, just more frustrated than anything else. Oh noes! This isn't supposed to start until a month or two into school. Well, I've had assurances that mod 2 will be the best class of my life, but I'm just kinda listless and uninterested at hearing that. I'm gonna be real pissed if this whole thing blows up and I end up being shoehorned into the anti-social slot again this year. Fuck, this could be a big, HUGE problem...but again, I don't know there's anything I can do about it. I'm pretty much at the beck and call of my emotions right now, and they're saying that I'm not going to be getting friendly with anyone right away. God, this sucks.
I'm just worried that I'll be rather bland when school starts and more or less shoot myself in the foot socially. Funny, cause I spent the whole second half of last year trying to amend my social standing, and even at WCATY I was rather determined not to regress, even though I was kinda under pressure (actually, no, I perceived that I was under pressure) to do so. And now I've gone and done it all on my own. Damn it, I don't want to be Mr. Grouchy-I-hate-you-all this year, but I very well could be. Shit, I need to get an answer on this thing definitively pretty soon. Yet, I can't bring myself to be blunt about it. Alright, fingers crossed for Saturday.
I was chastising myself earlier for being so hopeful for a color change, telling myself that it's really nothing to get all excited about, but thinking about it again, now, that's completely asinine, cold, mechanical. Wait, so did the two halves flip flop? A little, perhaps, but they're still in their original positions too. Ooh, this is getting all confusticating and fun. Except I'm still grouchy. But seriously, a little white streak would jack my mood meter up about 354256426456 notches, assuming the composition of that cloud were positive. If not...well, at least I could start moving on from here. God, I wish there were just some easy way to firm up the situation. But, of course, that would be too easy, and then there'd be no fun/agony in it.
Umm, yeah, kinda lost my train of thought there...Good point for a reboot.
Materbus has been a royal bitch about the whole Lady Jane movie thing, but I guess I'm not helping with my whole grouchy "I don't give a flying fuck" attitude toward it. I'm really quite willing to write off however many points get tacked on that, but I don't know that it'll be that many. It's just annoying that we have to watch a bad movie that is over 20 years old and can't be found at either the library or the video store, or purchased anywhere. It's not that I haven't tried, it's just that this is so ridiculously obscure that it's not worth the time. I guess it is worrying that I'm already willing to start sacrificing points in a class before it's actually started...could be a bad sign of things to come, but this is gonna be a tough year. It'd be so much easier if I had some competition, but as it is, leading a race is hard as hell, especially in the motivation department.
So there, I've pretty much drained myself for the day, much like that lovely spider bite video. Jesus, that was possibly the most nauseating thing I've ever seen, and yet I've watched it like 4 or 5 times.
I might fire off my own cloud streak, or maybe not. I'll have to ponder it; either way, it's too late for more work on Joy Luck.
- Veracity Out -
"but she don't flow to me..."
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