What is that I have discovered? Is it the secret of life? Or perhaps how to turn trash into gold? Or, the greatest question of time: how the fuck did the French lose at Agincourt? (hahaha, no, we figured that one out [stupid French bastards don't know how to fight]) Nope, it's none of those, though I imagine that with enough thought you could figure them out and it's just stupid people who can't and therefore go around spreading this great myth that there is no answer. Damn rednecks!
No, what I have figured out is... wait for it... Oh, nothing. Hahahaha. Actually, I did think of something, but it's really a boatload of shit so I won't bother sharing. Nah, I will. My little theory is this: for who knows how long people have been trying to figure out why teens are rebelious and stuff. Well, my theory is that there is one group of people at fault with all of the stress and carp that comes of it: parents. And so fitting as well, for often times they are the ones to be suffering the most. Serves them right. So, basically, yeah, that was a bunch of shit.
And now something completely different:
I started working on the first book in the Collision Wars series I have been fooling around with for a while. Haven't gotten very far and I think that I'm going to end up deleting it. No, rephrase that: I am going to delete it. But anyway, for now 'm working on it and it's all coming along smoothly except that, ya know, it sucks major ass, but that's beside the point. But the real problem with this is that I'm not working on Dream Soldier (formerly Holy is Thy Name v 2.0) and the whole point of that was to rekindle my interest in more fantasy stuff, and it was working too. Now my desire to work on fantasy stuff is slowly ebbing and pretty soon I'm gonna end up dropping the Collision Wars story and going back to the monotonous and bloody WWI style fighting. You can even tell I had a little fantasy nostalgia when working on Dream Soldier, in a way, because there is an entrance of pikes and mail. I have no idea how that's gonna work into this, but I think it, if nthoing else, gives it a nice sort of flare, the sense of being caught between the middle ages and modern warfare; that with the whole being caught between warring factions, different power interests, and the church, makes the characters feel their own insignificance more acutely than they normally would, well Taeris does anyway, because he has a fair idea of how things are going to turn out whereas the others do not.
Okay, that's enough psychoanalyzing my story for now.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
what the hell is going on?
Oi, what more can I say? I need something to do for a while. I don't know about sports... Maybe I'll take up karate again until I remember why I got so fucking bored with it all. That might work, but I'm not so sure... Perhaps there's something else I could do, but the problem is that I have no idea what that might be. I used to have so much homework that I didn't really have to worry about this kind of thing, but 8th grade has been disgustingly easy, and as a result I have killed my interest in any of the video games I have and there are no other ones that I want to get that are out yet/that my parents will let me get.
Perhaps I could just try and block out some stuff and focus on writing, but I'm not so sure that would really work all that well, because I have found that there are some things that you just can't block out not matter how hard you try. That's okay, I suppose; after 1.6 or so years of almost constant writing perhaps I need/deserve a break from all of it, just maybe, ya know. I could go back and edit Inheritance of Flames and Darkness Storm, but I really want to finish Holy is Thy Name v. 2.0 so I don't think I will do that.
I mean, damn, it's not like I don't know what I'm doing or anything like that--hell, I have a much better sense of where this story is going than any other, so I don't even really need to wing it at all, though that definitely works some times--it's simply that I CANNOT WRITE TO SAVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This all stems back to going out with Jenny. Perhaps it's karma (did I spell that right?) or something and this is my punishment for going out with a seventh grader or something like that, but personally I think that all of that sort of thing is complete bullshit. However, I do know that my writing troubles started when I was going out with her. At the time I didn't give a damn that I couldn't write and I didn't try to either, so it was all good. Then I got the idea for my new story and things were good and I blazed ahead at light speed. Of course my pace slackened after a while but even now I've still managed to keep it up, but it's not really what I want to be doing, it's like having to tear your arm open just to get the words to come out, excuse my odd metaphor.
perhaps my drive to write is starting to fade, and I hope that it isn't, but if it is then there is really nothing I can do about it but sit and wait and hope that it will come back eventually; and deep down I know that it will never go away because my ideas are never going to go away because they are what I am. There is simply no way to separate me from them. Even now I've got ideas for both Heart of the Cold and Holy is Thy Name v. 2.0 bouncing around in my head.
Yet at the same time I have started to become more and more social, due, I believe, in most part to that going out with Jenny stint. I actually talk to people who aren't my close friends anymore and I don't really hold any grudges or anything against people except for Yeager, who is A STUPID MOTHERFUCKING REDNECK PRICK, but that's a completely different story and completely and utterly irrelevant. Well, anyway, the long and short of it is that things are changing, I guess, and, as is my way, I'm gonna ride the wave and see where that all takes me.
Is Bethany ever around? Well, I'll sit and wait, since I have nothing better to do.
Perhaps I could just try and block out some stuff and focus on writing, but I'm not so sure that would really work all that well, because I have found that there are some things that you just can't block out not matter how hard you try. That's okay, I suppose; after 1.6 or so years of almost constant writing perhaps I need/deserve a break from all of it, just maybe, ya know. I could go back and edit Inheritance of Flames and Darkness Storm, but I really want to finish Holy is Thy Name v. 2.0 so I don't think I will do that.
I mean, damn, it's not like I don't know what I'm doing or anything like that--hell, I have a much better sense of where this story is going than any other, so I don't even really need to wing it at all, though that definitely works some times--it's simply that I CANNOT WRITE TO SAVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This all stems back to going out with Jenny. Perhaps it's karma (did I spell that right?) or something and this is my punishment for going out with a seventh grader or something like that, but personally I think that all of that sort of thing is complete bullshit. However, I do know that my writing troubles started when I was going out with her. At the time I didn't give a damn that I couldn't write and I didn't try to either, so it was all good. Then I got the idea for my new story and things were good and I blazed ahead at light speed. Of course my pace slackened after a while but even now I've still managed to keep it up, but it's not really what I want to be doing, it's like having to tear your arm open just to get the words to come out, excuse my odd metaphor.
perhaps my drive to write is starting to fade, and I hope that it isn't, but if it is then there is really nothing I can do about it but sit and wait and hope that it will come back eventually; and deep down I know that it will never go away because my ideas are never going to go away because they are what I am. There is simply no way to separate me from them. Even now I've got ideas for both Heart of the Cold and Holy is Thy Name v. 2.0 bouncing around in my head.
Yet at the same time I have started to become more and more social, due, I believe, in most part to that going out with Jenny stint. I actually talk to people who aren't my close friends anymore and I don't really hold any grudges or anything against people except for Yeager, who is A STUPID MOTHERFUCKING REDNECK PRICK, but that's a completely different story and completely and utterly irrelevant. Well, anyway, the long and short of it is that things are changing, I guess, and, as is my way, I'm gonna ride the wave and see where that all takes me.
Is Bethany ever around? Well, I'll sit and wait, since I have nothing better to do.
Monday, May 02, 2005
had a good thought but it's gone now...
Hmm, as perhpas you have figured out if you have bothered to read the title you would know that I had a great idea to write about, but I have, unfortunately, completely forgotten all about it. This is of course not exaclty all that important, especially considering that I am going to remember it sooner or later, the problem is that it's probably going to be after I'm done writing all of this.
I know that it had something to do with me and other people but I'm really not all that sure; agh! Dammit! Well, I have to say that now I like Limp Bizkit more, and Slipknot as well, though I still think that they're both horrible messed up, not that you really care, I should think; do you care? if you do that's nice, thank you, and stuff... I don't know...
Screw it! This idea was good too! It was something philosophical and all sorts of stuff so you must all find it terribly amusing to read; not that there is anyone reading this, but that's okay because I like to pretend there is at some times. Argh, Bethany get on already! I want to fucking talk to you dammit, not that I really have anything to say or anything like that, but whatever...
Well this isn't what I was thinking of at first, but here's something for you to chew on, if you like this sort of crap: Is it okay for you to still like someone even when you know you screwed your chance and you aren't gonna get another chance? I think you can, as long as you're not being a prick about it or something like that.
Dammit, my memory sucks too, but that's another story; maybe I'll share later. Ah, what the hell, I'll share now. See it's like this: there are some people whos faces just stick in my mind in an instant and stuff, and yet there are others, and they tend to be the important ones, that are almost out of my mind after about 15 minutes. Obviously this is a problem and it's annoying as all hell and I'm trying to get some pictures and stuff, but of course I'm not gonna get this, so ya, I'm being subtle and stuff, and I guess I should for how bold and blatant I'm being in regards to other things.
Oh, and one more thing for you to chew on. I it okay to drop hints, hopping that some--no, screw it, that's enough for tonite. G'night folks (and yes, that's how I say it! G'bye, G'day, an' G'night!)
I know that it had something to do with me and other people but I'm really not all that sure; agh! Dammit! Well, I have to say that now I like Limp Bizkit more, and Slipknot as well, though I still think that they're both horrible messed up, not that you really care, I should think; do you care? if you do that's nice, thank you, and stuff... I don't know...
Screw it! This idea was good too! It was something philosophical and all sorts of stuff so you must all find it terribly amusing to read; not that there is anyone reading this, but that's okay because I like to pretend there is at some times. Argh, Bethany get on already! I want to fucking talk to you dammit, not that I really have anything to say or anything like that, but whatever...
Well this isn't what I was thinking of at first, but here's something for you to chew on, if you like this sort of crap: Is it okay for you to still like someone even when you know you screwed your chance and you aren't gonna get another chance? I think you can, as long as you're not being a prick about it or something like that.
Dammit, my memory sucks too, but that's another story; maybe I'll share later. Ah, what the hell, I'll share now. See it's like this: there are some people whos faces just stick in my mind in an instant and stuff, and yet there are others, and they tend to be the important ones, that are almost out of my mind after about 15 minutes. Obviously this is a problem and it's annoying as all hell and I'm trying to get some pictures and stuff, but of course I'm not gonna get this, so ya, I'm being subtle and stuff, and I guess I should for how bold and blatant I'm being in regards to other things.
Oh, and one more thing for you to chew on. I it okay to drop hints, hopping that some--no, screw it, that's enough for tonite. G'night folks (and yes, that's how I say it! G'bye, G'day, an' G'night!)
Sunday, May 01, 2005
everybody party!/monoaware (did i spell that right?)/show's over folks/death metal experience/dammit, give me my brain back!
hmm, yeah, well this is what i get for leaving this all alone for so long, but who really gives a fuck? nobody, cause i'd be fucking shocked if anyone ever bothered to read this!
Well, first order of business: the 'welcome to EHS dance' on friday was really fun, once the dance actually got started, that is. I have finally found out that knowing people from my high school classes can actually be somewhat useful at times and that if you go to a dance it's usually a good idea to, ya know, dance! So that, plus the whole finding some hot chicks to slow dance with made the whole thing pretty damn fun.
Monoaware: I know I'm definately not spelling that right, but that's not the point. What is the point? The point is that it's a japanese word about enjoying the sadness in life; interesting concept, i suppose, though rather melancholy. Oh well, it's cool.
The play is finally over. It was fun and all, but it was stressful and tiring and stuff at the same time, so idk, it's both bad and good. The mic cut out on my during the first half of my DJ bit, but that's okay, i really dont care all that much. But its all over now and that's that.
I was bored yesterday so i downloaded some slipknot and limp bizkit stuff. Well, that was ah... interesting... maybe... Truth is its fucked up shit that makes eminem look like a good citizen, so that's my take on heavy/death metal.
Finally, I have finally figured out that there are certain things that, when i get involved in them, tend to make it absolutely impossible for me to write. The only upside is that when i finally get back into the writing grove i just can't stop. You see, i think writing is sort of like bleeding--and before you try to get me to see a shrink, understand this is just a metaphor and is based on very little of my own experience--when you havent been bleeding and you get cut it bleeds a lot, just like writing for me; when you need it to bleed but it wont you have to cut or pick at it and that can hurt like hell, just like writing; and when its all over theres a huge relief that rushes through you.
Oh, one last thing, i just love this, its like talking to a fucking brick wall! but its fucking fun so i dont fucking care! fuck!
Well, first order of business: the 'welcome to EHS dance' on friday was really fun, once the dance actually got started, that is. I have finally found out that knowing people from my high school classes can actually be somewhat useful at times and that if you go to a dance it's usually a good idea to, ya know, dance! So that, plus the whole finding some hot chicks to slow dance with made the whole thing pretty damn fun.
Monoaware: I know I'm definately not spelling that right, but that's not the point. What is the point? The point is that it's a japanese word about enjoying the sadness in life; interesting concept, i suppose, though rather melancholy. Oh well, it's cool.
The play is finally over. It was fun and all, but it was stressful and tiring and stuff at the same time, so idk, it's both bad and good. The mic cut out on my during the first half of my DJ bit, but that's okay, i really dont care all that much. But its all over now and that's that.
I was bored yesterday so i downloaded some slipknot and limp bizkit stuff. Well, that was ah... interesting... maybe... Truth is its fucked up shit that makes eminem look like a good citizen, so that's my take on heavy/death metal.
Finally, I have finally figured out that there are certain things that, when i get involved in them, tend to make it absolutely impossible for me to write. The only upside is that when i finally get back into the writing grove i just can't stop. You see, i think writing is sort of like bleeding--and before you try to get me to see a shrink, understand this is just a metaphor and is based on very little of my own experience--when you havent been bleeding and you get cut it bleeds a lot, just like writing for me; when you need it to bleed but it wont you have to cut or pick at it and that can hurt like hell, just like writing; and when its all over theres a huge relief that rushes through you.
Oh, one last thing, i just love this, its like talking to a fucking brick wall! but its fucking fun so i dont fucking care! fuck!
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