Such was the conclusion of an hour and thirty-five minutes of AP Chem. Amazing what we get done in that class. Still, it's more than we managed to achieve in Euro, Calc and Physics all put together. Apparently the Hessian is nuts to an extent that I never imagined - if you want to know how a neutron is turned into a proton, you'd best bring your lunch, perhaps even a sleeping bag and a tape recorder. Delightful, especially 'cause Pantano was just like "Yeah, it just happens...I don't really know how, and I don't care. Go ask Hessler..." Fun stuff, most certainly.
Rather odd how school has been nowhere near as difficult this year as it was last year. Of course the largest part of that is the lack of 60+ pages of reading every night coupled with a monstrous quiz on the material the next day. There's a little of that in Euro, but not much (certainly not in terms of number of pages), and the quizzes aren't that bad, or frequent, for that matter. So the workload is lighter, but we've yet to enter the first wave of quizzes and tests (coming up around the end of this week and the start of next), so that's going to be the first major hurdle. Physics has been more or less written off, I won't be able to say for certain until I get my first Am Lit Hnrs paper back, and Chem, Calc, and Euro are going to be defined by the difficulty of the tests, but I can handle that. Cram for a few days before each exam, it's something that I can handle. The take-home quiz for Chem is easy (so far, though I've only done the first page, front and back). Supposedly all of the questions are from AP tests, but I get the feeling that they're the easy, warm-up problems that clutter the first page and keep you busy before you get into the real meat of the test and the true blood-letting begins.
Practice today was miserable in large part because of the heat, but tomorrow will doubtless be considerably worse unless there is a dramatic drop in temperature. I'm not sure how the race on Saturday will go, but given that my relative speed on the time trial yesterday was a minute faster than it was last year, I'm hoping to shoot for the 19:30 barrier. I'll see how it goes.
On a more personal note, I'm feeling rather conflicted. On the one hand, I've been suffering some major WCATY withdrawal, and the fact that nobody else is in school yet is making things worse. But the big thing is that I'm stuck in something of a middle ground. I'm not over it entirely, yet, but I've achieved a sort of numb, detached (I'm tempted to say indifferent, but that's not the right way of putting it - I certainly still care, I'm just not feeling anything, no sensation) state, very much like the passive, patient, waiting points that I hit earlier this summer. It's not the same, but the feeling (or lack thereof) is similar. The difference, of course, was the perception of hope, the knowledge that I hadn't been stymied yet, I was just being confronted by silence. Now I know how things stand, with no questions or doubts, and it sucks, but I've managed to detach myself from it. It's odd, because I feel like I should either feel more, be more wrapped up in this, or else be over it and ready to move on. But for now I'm stuck in No Man's Land, and it's a rather awkward position. It's fine, so far, and I think a nudge of any variety would get me moving elsewhere, but the thing is, I'm not really in any hurry to get anywhere, so I don't know that I even need to do much about it yet. Later, perhaps, but for now, I'm stuck in a comfortable rut, and I think I'll just remain here for a while.
I've decided that the worst part of this whole thing is that I got addicted to intellectual companionship. That was the core of the whole thing, what I really enjoyed as much as all of the additional things put together. I'd like to try and maintain that, somehow, because I got the taste for talking with someone who was easily as smart, if not even more intelligent, than me, and now I'm more or less hooked, and I don't have much of a supply either. That's the real problem. Even if there were people like that outside of my grade (there certainly aren't within it), I don't know that it would really be the same in a school environment where you're noticeably more segregated by age than we were at WCATY (despite being split up by block and whatnot, the distinctions between age never really took as much as they do at Edgewood). So it's frustrating, and I might even be willing to make further pilgrimages for the sake of that, either that or descend into the terrifying realm of Warcraft/Guildwars. It would be worth it, as far as I'm presently concerned. Even though Warhawk, Blue Dragon, BioShock, God of War, Shadow of the Colossus, Heavenly Sword, and Rainbow Six still need my attention. That's already a laundry list of games, and the holiday season hasn't even hit yet. Dear God, somebody save me.
So anyway, it's been clear skies, but I'm not expecting that to change until this weekend at the very least. If there isn't some cloud cover by then, I'll probably send a little message wishing luck at school, but I'll hold my silence beyond that for a while. If breathing space is needed, then I'll keep quiet for a few months.
- Veracity Out -
"How does it work?" "Black magic and voodoo, bitch!"
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