More Frustrated Than Anything

Well, I was going to be writing about writing and some of my thoughts on the process, as influenced recently by reading Neal Stephenson's Anathem, but I've more pressing things to vent about, and will have to return to my thoughts on writing theory at some later point.

The gist of my story is as follows: I talked to Pantano, and he has my letter of recommendation completed, but has yet to submit it and was unsure as to whether I wanted a copy to mail, or if he should submit it electronically. So I was a little miffed that he had forgotten that we decided to send it electronically, but the vast majority of the fault is mine. Just how I thought I could get away with not telling him my exact due date is beyond me, but I suppose that when he told me he would have it done by last Wednesday, I assumed that he would send it. Bad assumption. I've been making far, far too many of those lately, especially with such a complicated and important process as this. This is all coming off as rather dry, but I really am quite upset with myself. At first, I somewhat feebly tried to defend myself, and the fact that Mother Dearest went on the full offensive only made me more prickly, and for a while I managed to convince myself that if the recommendation were a few days late, it would not be a big deal. But after poking around the Stanford site, I'm absolutely terrified that something awful will happen. That I won't be in the Early Action consideration pool, that I won't get my application bumped to the Regular Decision pool. Something. God damn it, I've been working on this for three and a half years, and to see it jeopardized by one (admittedly large) screw-up on my part seems unfair. Of course it's unfair--it's happening to me and by default must be unfair, in my mind. In short, I'm very frustrated with myself, and this has more or less ruined my entire night. Joy. I would try to write some, but I ought to call Jane shortly. Maybe after that. We'll see. I'm sure she'll find some way to cheer me up, being fantastic and all, but this is going to be hanging over my head for a long time.