what the hell is going on?

Oi, what more can I say? I need something to do for a while. I don't know about sports... Maybe I'll take up karate again until I remember why I got so fucking bored with it all. That might work, but I'm not so sure... Perhaps there's something else I could do, but the problem is that I have no idea what that might be. I used to have so much homework that I didn't really have to worry about this kind of thing, but 8th grade has been disgustingly easy, and as a result I have killed my interest in any of the video games I have and there are no other ones that I want to get that are out yet/that my parents will let me get.

Perhaps I could just try and block out some stuff and focus on writing, but I'm not so sure that would really work all that well, because I have found that there are some things that you just can't block out not matter how hard you try. That's okay, I suppose; after 1.6 or so years of almost constant writing perhaps I need/deserve a break from all of it, just maybe, ya know. I could go back and edit Inheritance of Flames and Darkness Storm, but I really want to finish Holy is Thy Name v. 2.0 so I don't think I will do that.

I mean, damn, it's not like I don't know what I'm doing or anything like that--hell, I have a much better sense of where this story is going than any other, so I don't even really need to wing it at all, though that definitely works some times--it's simply that I CANNOT WRITE TO SAVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This all stems back to going out with Jenny. Perhaps it's karma (did I spell that right?) or something and this is my punishment for going out with a seventh grader or something like that, but personally I think that all of that sort of thing is complete bullshit. However, I do know that my writing troubles started when I was going out with her. At the time I didn't give a damn that I couldn't write and I didn't try to either, so it was all good. Then I got the idea for my new story and things were good and I blazed ahead at light speed. Of course my pace slackened after a while but even now I've still managed to keep it up, but it's not really what I want to be doing, it's like having to tear your arm open just to get the words to come out, excuse my odd metaphor.

perhaps my drive to write is starting to fade, and I hope that it isn't, but if it is then there is really nothing I can do about it but sit and wait and hope that it will come back eventually; and deep down I know that it will never go away because my ideas are never going to go away because they are what I am. There is simply no way to separate me from them. Even now I've got ideas for both Heart of the Cold and Holy is Thy Name v. 2.0 bouncing around in my head.

Yet at the same time I have started to become more and more social, due, I believe, in most part to that going out with Jenny stint. I actually talk to people who aren't my close friends anymore and I don't really hold any grudges or anything against people except for Yeager, who is A STUPID MOTHERFUCKING REDNECK PRICK, but that's a completely different story and completely and utterly irrelevant. Well, anyway, the long and short of it is that things are changing, I guess, and, as is my way, I'm gonna ride the wave and see where that all takes me.

Is Bethany ever around? Well, I'll sit and wait, since I have nothing better to do.